I'm paralyzed.

That's it... I HATE WINTER!!! There- I said it.

Snow, sickness, stalkers (that's for you know who), my furnace, my pets, and just about anything that needs anything from me today. I hate all of it. I am sick today, so I think since I am in a rotten mood, I will make a list of things that REALLY grind my gears.

Here I lay in bed, trapped by the completely moronic Imagination Movers. We'll start there. When I was growing up and a show, commercial or song we really hated came on we would freeze completely until it was off and say, "I'm paralyzed!!". Well today, my friends, for the moment "I am paralyzed!!!".


And that Daniel Cook HAS TO GO!!! Don't even get me started on him or that lame Emily Young..... argh!!! I want to rip my hair out!!!

Poopy diapers. Especially Jackson's. He's hiding behind the chair right now, so I am pretty sure when he emerges waterey eyed and red faced- well then, you know. Potty training is hit and miss...pardon the obvious play on words.









Guadalajara, Mexico. Si. Nuf said. Will be there on Thursday... damn.










Hidden homework.
Me: "Do you have any homework?"
Addie: "No mom!"

5 hours later....

Addie "Mom, can you help me with my divisions??"

Kathy McKibbis-schlimmi-ding-a-linger.... whatever her damn last name is. I still get phone calls for this lady. Collection phone calls. Nursing home phone calls from her father's nurse. Doctor's office phone calls. And I have had my phone number for 4 years. I told one of them when they finally get ahold of her to tell her to stop giving my phone number out, and pay her freakin' bills!!!!



Ok, I need to go get in the shower and cry. Pray for all of us. Really. We're lookin at certain death and destruction. (Ok, not really, but I am sick.)

19%...

That's how much of my 401K I lost last quarter... Lord only knows how much I have lost since then. As I was opening my statement, I was visibly sickened. The only thing that could have made me laugh in this situation was the following exchange:

Addie: " What's wrong mom?"
Me: "Oh, nothing."
Addie: "Mom... it isn't nothing. You look sad."
Me: "Mom just lost a bunch of money."
Addie: "Well, we'll help you find it."
Brax: "Yah, mom... I have 7 dollars.."
Me: "Thanks guys, but I lost it in the stock market."
Addie: "Oh... hmm... well, what was the money for?"
Me: "For when mom gets old and retires. It's so that I can have money."
Addie: "Well, when are you going to retire? You're already old."
Me: "Thanks Addie."
Brax: " I feel soooo bad for you mom!"

long pause.....

Addie: " It's okay mom, I'll pay for your nursing home."

And with that I laughed until my sides hurt. The only request I have is that Joon and I be room mates at the Coventry. Otherwise, I ain't a-goin'!

I overheard them down the hall about 15 minutes later:
Brax: " I still feel so bad for mom..."
Addie: "Brax-ton, I ALREADY told you!! I'm going to pay for mom's nursing home!"

Nice Suits...

Right off the bat you will notice the title of this post. At first, it will not make sense to you since the correlation between "nice suits" and a wonderful relaxing weekend Halloween party seems quite the stretch. Believe you me, by the end I will have wrapped it up nicely and handed it to you with a nice bow on top. Promise. And, for the record I drove... *GASP!!*

First of all, Kudos are in order to Gramma Kristine and Poppy Rick for putting together a wonderful weekend getaway. Kristine (having been a 2nd grade teacher) always has LOTS of fabulous activities planned for the kiddies, and this party was no exception. She plans everything out to the T and I always leave each event feeling blessed that she is part of my kids lives. She is amazing to say the least. This year we carved pumpkins, made candle votive holders with spooky eyes, ate lots of yummy food, and spent a few hours soaking in the natural hot tubs of Lava Hot Springs. Kristine made arrangements for us to stay in this fabulously charming old school house that has been renovated into a place you can rent out and hold such activities. There are

lots of beds, plenty of room to spread out and though old, it has so much charm, it's beyond description. Plus, it has lots of trap doors, a stairway leading to no where- literally, and would be an uber excellent place for an adult game of hide and go seek in the dark or by candlelight. Guaranteed to scare the crap out of anyone. :) Perhaps next year. My brother Kevan said the basement reminded him of something from The Shining- - of course he always has been a pansy.


There was an indoor gymnasium and the kids had a riot playing ball, and riding on the flying turtles. Braxton and Jason had races and Poppy ended up throwing out his back in the process.

Addie threw a tea party before bed, and yes- you will notice that I am wearing my jammies with footies. (One of the perks of being 5'1" is being able to still shop in the kids section . Which means that I can still buy footie jammies!) I am not proud. :) And yes... I have no make up on... heck- give me a break I just got back from the hot tubs. The next morning we had a wonderful breakfast consisting of my pull aparts and eggs and sausage. YUUUMMMM!!!


So here's the best part of the story:
At the conclusion of the night, gramma stayed behind and got the kids settled into a movie and my brother, his wife Jill, my dad and I all snuck out to the springs for a night time soak. Being about 8:00 it was rather dark and cool- perfect for a visit to the hot springs. As we arrived and settled in we noticed a couple of girls (early 20's ) taking lots of pictures. Everything seemed fine until frame 643. .. at which time we started asking, "what in THE hell are they doing?". Once the photo shoot concluded things got even stranger. In a deeper section of the pool there is a horizontal bar sticking up out of the water. After hanging on that for a while they split up. One girl starting hugging the rock wall and doing pull ups. She apparently really liked this wall, since she was really getting into it (ie making out with the wall). Not to be out done, the other girl started posing on one of the wooden decks they have around the outer edges of the pool. She was pretty much posing as if to "tan" in the moon light, and at the conclusion of her moonlight tanning session, she grabbed on to a pole and swung around it. It came pretty naturally to her, so we figured she must be a stripper or something of the sort.

Weeeelllll, by this time, Jill and I couldn't handle it any longer. Being the sexiest girls there, we figured we'd better start reclaiming our territory that was being invaded by novices. (Actually we were mocking the crap out of these girls). I threw my legs up on the rail, Jill withered her body and we laughed uncontrollably. Apparently these girls didn't like what we were doing, because on the way out as we passed them they yelled, "Nice suits!" Apparently the best thing they could come up with. And yes, they are nice suits actually.

Hello, my name is Tiffany, and I am a knee-boot-aholic. It's been 2 months since my last purchase.

When I was in high school I developed a deep, passionate love for all things fashion. In fact, when my high school sweetheart* dumped me out of the blue, I vowed to move to New York, never to be married (or have children for that matter), and make it big and famous in the fashion world as a fashionista, or plan B was to become a Broadway singer/actress. (Of course, you will note the absolutely striking similarities between who/what I am today and what I wanted to become.:) Ok, not so much.)


As the years have floated by (what has it been 6 or so? Maybe a few more, but what the hell- who's counting?) I have maintained my love for fashion, trying to stay hip and fashionable as I have become olddddd... My love for shoes, handbags and clothing is only surpassed by my love for Lime Diet Coke. :)(Could someone fetch me one, please?)

As my husband can attest, I have never met a fabulous set of boots I didn't love/adore. Especially ones that are knee high, have long pointy toes, and spike 3-4" heels. (Que the angelic chorus!) So, recently I was THRILLED (to say the least) that our work uniform guidelines now allow us to wear said boots with our uniform. When that guideline was approved, I promptly called the Head Honcho and asked where I could send the bouquet of flowers.. but I got her voice mail so I hung up. Oh, how happy am I?? Immediately I started planning which boots to wear with which dress. I am talking kid on Christmas morning happy (so, for all you nay-sayers, there you have it: it really is the little things that make me happy). You getting all this?

As I went to my closet, I approached with some caution... after all, I knew I had a few pairs of black, high heel knee boots.... but since each has a special place in my heart, I lost track of them a while ago. Honestly, I feel sheepish in the following admission, since nothing could have prepared me for the unearthing of 7 pair of black, knee high boots... that's right, I said 7. This of course doesn't include any other boots in my closet: not the brown boots, not the shoe boots, not any other type of boots I may own.

And while I will never admit to this in person (so don't ask me to because I swear I will deny it in any conversation from here on out)...I think I may have a problem.

Oh, and maybe one day I'll still run away to New York... well, in my dreams anyway.

*What a total jackass!

Shoes...

This goes into the "DO NOT tell Ryan" category... so please, do me a favor and keep this under wraps.

Confession: Jack likes my shoes. He also likes my purses and makeup- but that's another story for another day. I digress, Jack loves to wear my shoes more (in fact, the higher and pointier- - - the better). The other morning I left him closely attended (ok...so I was in the same house, but I could hear him rummaging around) and he kept climbing up and down the stairs. I didn't think too much of it since I could hear him doing something. Usually when he's quiet is when all hell is being loosed. So, finally when I was done doing my 2 loads of laundry, I walked out into the hall to find the following scene:

There at the end of the hallway, lined up as neatly as a 2 1/2 yr old can, were 6 pair of my shoes. Shaking my head, I looked at Jack and I asked him what he was doing. He said that he was "playing with mom's shoes... priidddy, huh mom?". Sure enough... he as playing with my shoes. At least he picked out all of my favorite pairs! Who knows, maybe I am raising the next Manolo Blahnik. And if that is the case, then yay for me!!! A mother's dream.

Sonofa...

Where do I start? I haven't blogged in a while because I have been busy fixing all the things that Jack has done recently. Originally, when I posted my eggs incident, I truly did not believe that things could go from really bad to worse. However I have recently revisited that thought, since not only do I now know- but I can attest that things can indeed go rapidly from really bad to worse. Let's take a look see and find out why I now intimately know this.

For future reference, the following may be helpful to know. Recipe for disaster:
10 lb bag of flour +
curious 2 year old boy +
mom in shower
= HUGE MESS.

Observe:
This was within the same week as the eggs. How nice. Forget that there are starving people all around the world! We are well on our way to wasting as much food as possible. I don' t think we will be able to make crepes anytime soon, what with being out of flour and eggs and all. Really the only thing missing is the milk. I am drawing the line at the milk though. Because I think that at this point it is safe to assume that one can, indeed, cry over spilled milk (and for that matter, spilled flour and smashed eggs too).

Yearbook yourself

Are you ready to pee your pants because you're laughing so hard? Check out
this site! You put in your picture and it spits out a photo of you in yearbook fashion from 1950-2000. It is hilarious. I thought you all might like to know how we looked over the many years we spent repeating High School.

One in the same, I think.

So, frequently (like flippin' weekly) I have this little exchange at work, usually with someone I have just met or only worked with a few times:

Me: -Insert quick one liner here-. (This last weeks was said in answering a passengers question on how to open the bathroom door. I answered, "Just turn the knob and push". Then under my breath I said, "just like on your trailer." Hey, I was in a bad mood....)

Other person: You know who you remind me of?

Me: No. Who? (In my head: Geez- only do this once a week, but let's play along anyhoo--)

Other person: Karen, From Will and Grace.

Me: Noooo.... are you serious?

Other person: Dead on. Perfect.
___________________________________________________________

So, in having this exchange this last week, I decided to do a little research. I have been closely watching episodes here and there and finally broke down this morning and did a youtube search. I think you'll find the similarities striking.




Um... Ok. Next?



On second thought...



Nope! But she is Fabulous!!!

Damn it all!!

My gramps (Sam) used to say, "Damn it all, Margie!" to just about anything that didn't suit his fancy. In fact, that was my favorite thing to hear since I would smile from ear to ear when he said it, mostly because of the way it was delivered. So, what does that have to do with this post? Well, I will tell you. I have had a "damn it all" day.


Let's start at the beginning. I didn't sleep particularly well last night and spent a few hours watching infomercials for various products. I sheepishly admit that I ended up ordering a few items that perhaps I shouldn't have. That belongs into the "Do NOT tell Ryan" category. At nearly 1 AM I decided that I would go to sleep, considering that the children rise at 7 I didn't have much time to play with. I am a full 10 hrs of sleep kinda gal... anything less than that is simply an insult. At 7 AM the alarm went off with it's usual irritatingly sweet "Good Morning" chime. I went in to wake the children and noticed Jack was completely nude. OHHHH GRRRRREEEAAATTTT!!!! I said (Ok, it really consisted of another 4 letter word, begins with S ends with T, but that's neither here nor there).

After removing Jackson from his crib and surveying the damage, I knew I had a major clean up project on the agenda for today. Grand! So, I plopped Jack into the tub and began to remove his bedding and accoutrements. Braxton seems to think that Jack needs to have a party at his crib every night. Those invited are the 2 Lions (Li-Li), 2 Bears (Max and baby Max), Mr. Flops, another Dog (Ralph) and Big Bunny. From what I understand it is THE PLACE to be. A real par-tay. Needless to say, all of those friends were subjected to a 'shower'. So, into the wash everyone went. At about 11 I went down to remove the load in the washer and move it to the dryer. This normally takes about 4 minutes to do. Upon my return upstairs the following scene greeted me:

Do you ever have those times where if you don't laugh, you are gonna cry? Well, this fell into both categories!! At which time I promplty picked up the phone and called Jodi (in the interest of Jackson's welfare). She listened to me as I cried/laughed. She's the best! After I hung up I looked at the mess, which consisted of 7 eggs, 4 on my carpet and 3 on my wood floor. I broke down and cried (like a big fat baby!!). As I was scooping up the egg mess my mothers voice came to my head. She said, "Don't you remember the time when you and Jeremy broke all of our eggs on the kitchen floor? We were so broke and you two broke all of those eggs. Remember dad put you in jail and fed you both bread and water for dinner?" I do remember that! I haven't been forward with my friends and told them that I have a record. Okay, my time served was under the crib with the side rails down, and I was 3 at the time- but it was close enough!! :). And yes, we did have bread and water for dinner.

As I cleaned up yet another mess, I felt her telling me how hard it was to raise 4 boys, and I felt a wave of understanding wash over me. At least I knew that she was there wiping my tears as I wiped up the goopy mess.
And yes, Jackson was sentenced this afternoon... to a nap.

"Damn it all, Margie!"

Could it be??

School started a while ago (3 weeks), and as tradition goes, most mom's do the annual first day photo. This year was certainly no exception. It went something like this:

Me: "Kids, get over here lets get a picture."
Kids: "But mom..."
Me: "Come on... right here in front of the sign. You guys look great!"
Kids: "Fine... but hurry there's our friends and we need to see who our teachers are!"
Snap! Great!!

20 minutes later in the car, I decide to look over my handiwork. Perhaps you will think the same thing I did when I looked at this picture:



I said to myself, " Is that the same child??" For all of those of you that think Addie looks like me and Braxton looks like Ryan, I submit this as proof positive that none of my children look like me. Case Closed!

Cake Wrecks

If you haven't taken the time to visit this blog, then please do. I laugh OUT loud every day that I read it. To the point of crying. It is hilarious!

What is it? This blog is dedicated to professional cakes that come out all wrong. My brother sent me the link, and I am addicted. This last cake (the Tiffany cake) made me want to die. Check it out, you'll thank me later. Promise.

I'm Baaaaaccckkk!!!

Yes, I know. My sweet BFF told me that my readership numbers are way down... to like nothing. She also informed me that people were starting to not read my blog anymore. I figured that isn't really surprising, since I haven't blogged since MAY!!!! I know... in my defense, it has been a long summer filled with many trips to Wyoming- which in case you were wondering is God's country, according to my DH. Needless to say, I am back on the wagon and trying to settle back into my life.

Speaking of which, I need to vent for a moment. Why is it that I am the only person qualified to change out a roll of toilet paper? That is, of course, after being the only one qualified to find said toilet paper. To let you in on a little secret- I hide the toilet paper. It is in the garage on the shelf (next to the paper towels) in plain view. But, no one can ever find it. Hmmm... I am sure glad that I attended that pre-wife/mothering course wherein I learned vital things like: how to know where everything in the house is at any given moment, how to wash-rinse-dry & fold clothing for 5 people simultaneously, emptying the trash cans, replacing toilet paper rolls, how to scrub a toilet and wipe a mirror, etc. Well worth my time. Anyone planning on having a husband or children: Highly recommend this class. It will serve you well... especially since you will now be the sole authority on such things.

(sliding my soap box back to it's proper location) Ok.... whew!!

So I am back, and I hope that you spread the word. I don't want my eagle award revoked. Ok, so I gave it to myself, but still!

The apple doesn't fall far from the tree....

Addie graciously let me know as we were leaving the base ball game on Monday that: "Mom!! This is it! This is the car I want when I turn 16!! That's the color and everything!!!!"


Mmm..hmm... go ask your father. If he says yes, then we'll share it....

Major Meague Mama

Well, I have officially arrived. I have entered the next era as a mom. Driving kids to games and practices now define my Monday and Wednesday evening activities. Which, don't get me wrong, I knew was part of the plan when I became a Miller. You see, in the Miller Clan, sports is a must. Excelling at sports is also a must. So, when Braxton started T-Ball this week, I knew the pressure was on: Go BIG- or GO HOME! I have long been hesitant to put him in sports, because he is so sweet, and I didn't want that to be replaced by macho, sports-guy attitude. Now, when it comes to football, I don't think I will be as happy to allow him to play, but having married you-know-who, I do believe it is inevitable. At least in T-Ball theres little to no contact, which makes me happy. At least he won't get pummeled by the other kids. As far as how he's doing? He has gotten along well in his new found place in the world, much to my appeasement. I am one proud mama! He's a natural, which comes from me- regardless of what my husband says. He makes things up all the time.... :o).

HMD

Let's face it.... at the risk of sounding like a pouty child, I am going to throw this one out there. Hopefully it doesn't sound like it as you read on, but I hope you stick with me here.

I am going to be brutally honest, and I hope that I don't come across as a little black rain cloud, because I am not trying to be one. But this is relevant, so stick with me. I don't like mothers day. There- I said it. That's right. I don't. I did when I was a kid, because I had the best mother in the whole world, and there are a lot of days when I just feel like I don't measure up. Granted my mother had her flaws, and maybe she yelled a lot more than I remember her doing, but overall I would give her a "10". And I miss ehr a whole lot... probably more than I can articulate. That's why I don't like Mother's Day. Certainly my children did a great job in making my day a happy one... I was in Billings, MT early Sunday morning, and flew back only to have my phone ring in the car on the way home.... it was Braxton.

"Mom, can you stop at the store on your way home?"
"Why son, what do you need?"
"Nothing mom, we just aren't ready for you to come home yet. "
"Okay son, I will drive around for a while. Call me when you're done."
45 minutes later....

"Okay mom.. we're almost done..."

This was the best part of my day:

Addie made me the cutest picture that she sewed at school, and the corsage that Braxton made me (wrapped by Addie and Brax in paper and band-aids, because they couldn't find any tape). My husband bought me a beautiful necklace and an outfit that I love, and Jack.... oh, Jack. The card with his handprint and picture on it brought tears to my eyes and made me forget the stinging that my heart felt all morning. Thanks my little family... thanks.


Oh, and by the way... Happy Mother's Day, mom... I love you.

This is what happens when...

you leave your camera within a child's reach. No, age doesn't matter, and I believe that even threats of broken arms or legs don't either. As I was uploading my recent pictures, I came across the following and wondered if I had taken to drinking, or if the camera had been hijacked.

For the record, it was the latter... now if you'd pass me my vodka tonic, please.
Oh... it's a JOKE!